she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
