dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
