he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
