i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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