So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
