i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
