wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
