why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
