Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
