She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
