Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
