Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
