i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
