Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
