He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
