I'm really into asian looking animals
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
