I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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