If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
