Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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