The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
