if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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