so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
