Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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