Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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