Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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