I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
