No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
