I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
