Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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