Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
