I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
