There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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