Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
