Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
