Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
50% drunk capacity currently
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
