If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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