Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
