I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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