i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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