I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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