Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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