I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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