WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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