I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
