Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
