I need help removing her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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