College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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