: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
