i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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