Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
