what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
