The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
