Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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