He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
