Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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