My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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