I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
