i think i recognize dicks better than faces
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
