We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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