9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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