I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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